Welcome! Sign my Guestbook! June 8, 2009

There are nearly 300 posts on this blog. If you are searching for specific information that has been previously posted/linked/etc. use the search function in the right hand column of this blog.

To email me directly, email superhipchick72@yahoo.com.

Thank you for visiting!

Emotional Abuse 101 Refresher July 6, 2009

What is Emotional Abuse?

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones (Engel, 1992, p. 10).

Types of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can take many forms. Three general patterns of abusive behavior include aggressing, denying, and minimizing.

Aggressing

• Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult relationships. This parent-to-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.
• Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships.

Denying

• Invalidating seeks to distort or undermine the recipient’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, “ etc.
• Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the “silent treatment.”
• Countering occurs when the abuser views the recipient as an extension of themselves and denies any viewpoints or feelings which differ from their own.

Minimizing

• Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient’s emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re exaggerating,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion” all suggest that the recipient’s emotions and perceptions are faulty and not to be trusted.
• Trivializing, which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of minimizing.
• Denying and minimizing can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experience.

Understanding Abusive Relationships

No one intends to be in an abusive relationship, but individuals who were verbally abused by a parent or other significant person often find themselves in similar situations as an adult. If a parent tended to define your experiences and emotions, and judge your behaviors, you may not have learned how to set your own standards, develop your own viewpoints, and validate your own feelings and perceptions. Consequently, the controlling and defining stance taken by an emotional abuser may feel familiar or even comfortable to you, although it is destructive.

Recipients of abuse often struggle with feelings of powerlessness, hurt, fear, and anger. Ironically, abusers tend to struggle with these same feelings. Abusers are also likely to have been raised in emotionally abusive environments and they learn to be abusive as a way to cope with their own feelings of powerlessness, hurt, fear and anger. Consequently, abusers may be attracted to people who see themselves as helpless or who have not learned to value their own feelings, perceptions, or viewpoints. This allows the abuser to feel more secure and in control, and avoid dealing with their own feelings and self-perceptions.

Understanding the pattern of your relationships, especially those with family members and other significant people, is a first step toward change. A lack of clarity about who you are in relationship to significant others may manifest itself in different ways. For example, you may act as an “abuser” in some instances and as a “recipient” in others. You may find that you tend to be abused in your romantic relationships, allowing your partners to define and control you. In friendships, however, you may play the role of abuser by withholding, manipulating, trying to “help” others, etc. Knowing yourself and understanding your past can prevent abuse from being recreated in your life.

Are You Abusive to Yourself?

Often we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. If we feel contempt for ourselves or think very little of ourselves, we may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to us. If we are willing to tolerate negative treatment from others, or treat others in negative ways, it is possible that we also treat ourselves similarly. If you are an abuser or a recipient, you may want to consider how you treat yourself. What sorts of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as “I’m stupid” or “I never do anything right” dominate your thinking? Learning to love and care for ourselves increases self-esteem and makes it more likely that we will have healthy, intimate relationships.

Basic Rights in a Relationship

If you have been involved in emotionally abusive relationships, you may not have a clear idea of what a healthy relationship is like. Evans (1992) suggests the following as basic rights in a relationship for you and your partner:

• The right to good will from the other.
• The right to emotional support.
• The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
• The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
• The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
• The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
• The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.
• The right to live free from accusation and blame.
• The right to live free from criticism and judgment.
• The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
• The right to encouragement.
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.
• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.
• The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
• The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.
  

Celebrate FREEDOM! July 3, 2009

A timely sharing of independence…

Celebrate America…Celebrate FREEDOM!

Happy 4th of July

from SuperHipChick…and my personal JOURNEY TO FREEDOM!!!

Life’s a BEACH! July 2, 2009

Ha ha…and today, we spent our lives AT the beach! =)

There’s nothing like the warmth of the sun bronzing one’s skin while the breezes gently caress…the warm, soft white sand between one’s toes as you frolic on the shore…or the lapping ocean waves surrounding one’s body in a moist embrace…no, there is nothing like a day at the beach and it is where I truly have always felt most at home.

But I began to not like the beach awhile back. Sure, I still liked seeing the beach but I began to not enjoy spending much time there because all I could do it sit…and stare…and watch others enjoying the things that I wished I could do. Many times I felt too weak to try to swim with the currents, or the grinding hip pain held me back. Many times I wanted to run and play games on the sand, but I couldn’t. Sometimes I would begin to dig in the sand and build sandcastles with the kids, but even that brought on pain and I was worse off from it. And taking a stroll along the shore certainly wasn’t going to happen. It seemed that anything I tried…anything I wanted to do ended up producing more pain and making things worse.

So I sat. Each time growing more and more annoyed, more and more frustrated, and more and more unwilling to go to the beach. That which I loved…and that which had always felt like “home” to me…became something that I chose to avoid at most costs. I chose to not place myself in places that brought me more emotional turmoil since I had so much physical turmoil already.

Today, we ventured out. BIG GIRL ME, without any other adults for supervision or help for me this time…nobody else to have to rely on when I needed help up, needed help walking, or needed help watching or running after or playing with my kids. Nope, not today! I DO NOT NEED HELP ANYMORE! Today we spent our day at the beach enjoying each and every second of it…all by ourselves, with me as an independent adult and parent once again. SUCH a truly fulfilling feeling!

Hey…and it’s not a bad thing that in the process I got one kick ass base tan to boot! Yep…I was even BRAVE enough to bare myself in my ‘itsy bitsy bikini! WHO CARES about scars showing!? Not me! ;)

ROCK ON! AND HAVE A FANTAZZZMIC 4TH!!!

FAI Doctor Talk (cont’d) June 29, 2009

A continuation of the discussion previously posted from last month on FAI:

http://www.orthosupersite.com/view.asp?rID=41237

Hip Arthroscopy: An Evidence Based Review June 25, 2009

http://www.acc.co.nz/PRD_EXT_CSMP/groups/external_communications/documents/reports_results/prd_ctrb075415.pdf

Tennis Anyone? June 24, 2009

Yes, that is right…we have now added tennis into the mix of “what I can do’s”!

I wasn’t sure how my body would handle (or react to) the pivoting, but I certainly wasn’t playing hard at all…we just took it nice and easy, and worked up to things and as my body learned to adjust in ways which it hasn’t done in quite some time. Another interesting tidbit was that unlike previous attempts to “play” tennis, which was not much more than hitting (and missing!) the ball in a quest for some volleys, this time around I was actually able to…RUN for the ball that were out of arm’s reach! What a concept!

I was standing in ready, weight placed upon the toes of my feet and heels off the ground, and I started to shuffle back and forth across the court, forward and backward as well. But, some good returns made me realize that shuffling wasn’t going to cut it, and I had to run for the ball a few times…and was ABLE to do so…not having to worry, not having to remind myself “oh no! I CAN”T do that!”, not having to, well, anything except focus on the game.

Wimbledon sure won’t be seeing me anytime soon, but I don’t care! I was able to achieve another feather in my cap, and feeling my body function in ways it hasn’t been able to in OH, SO LONG. And, itt felt OH, SO GOOD!

Significantly Improving June 24, 2009

It’s about time I update as to the goings on with this thar hip of mine…

I can now (once again post-operatively, now just over 4 months):

Adduct against gravity, up to about 1 foot off the ground

Straight leg raise against gravity, up to about 2 feet off the ground

Walk for longer distances

Bike without any weakness feeling in my anterior thigh afterwards like it is going to give out on me

Get into most of the yoga poses I feel I want to

Jog every now and then if I feel the desire to do so

SHOP UNCONDITIONALLY WITHOUT PAIN STOPPING ME!

So, that’s not ALL of the advances I’ve made, but it is a fairly good overview! Life is starting to move away, more and more, from being focussed of the “what I can’t do’s” to all of the “what I can and WANT to do’s!” We recently took a nice walk along a beautiful hilly path near a lake and I was telling my spouse to keep up with ME! =) It feels GREAT to not only be thinking about all of the joyful things again but to actually be able to DO them.

My meralgia paresthetica issues, however, aren’t at bay yet and the intensity of the issues (severe burning/shooting pains, area turning blue, etc) with increased activity I am hoping will subside. I don’t like the idea of more meds to “control” these issues to only then have to deal with the potential side effects of those meds…ya know what I mean? At least I know what it is and why it is happening…I don’t want to start on any new meds and then deal with any “new” issues or problems and not know what’s going on. My body will just have to learn to function properly, because any surgical interventions for the nerve issues isn’t going to be entertained either.

But all in all, it is going GREAT and I can not explain well enough in words how it feels to be so accomplished…so independent…and so FREE of the hip pain again.

PAO & Additional Surgeries Indication Info June 23, 2009

March 13, 2009

http://sjc.ceu.edu/departments/MedCoding/sp09/periacetabularosteotomy.pdf

Ganz Osteotomy (PAO) Info June 18, 2009

History, pictures, and videos of the whole surgery “sequence”:

http://www.ganz.dk/videos.htm

FAI & PAO Surgical Instruments June 18, 2009

From Smith & Nephew, “according to the technique of Reinhold Ganz”:

http://www.subtilis.ch/jmuffin/upload/SDH-PAO.pdf

Periacetabular Osteotomy Video/Minimally Invasive June 18, 2009

WARNING: GRAPHIC SURGERY VIDEO: (approx 3 mins):

http://player.theplatform.com/ps/player/pds/dB7B_ylV9p?pid=4075S000000000000000000000000000

Open FAI Video/Dr. Peters June 18, 2009

WARNING: GRAPHIC SURGERY VIDEO with a discussion of FAI: (approx 2 mins)

http://player.theplatform.com/ps/player/pds/dB7B_ylV9p?pid=4072S000000000000000000000000000

Some History of FAI June 17, 2009

Great article, read it here:

http://springerlink.com/content/8w31m110k5473q28/fulltext.pdf

Signs of FAI June 16, 2009

Full new article here, with Dr. Ganz contact info:

http://www.orthosupersite.com/print.asp?rID=38528

Where We Start…and Where We End June 15, 2009

I was out at a quiet public location this weekend and I heard some squeaking noises, growing louder with each sound. I glanced around, and could not determine at first where the noise was coming from. But as I glanced again, slightly slower and looking for something to reflect the pattern of the sounds that I was hearing I suddenly realized what it was.

A woman was walking towards where I was sitting, her gait making her wobble back and forth, left and right, and the squeaking happened everytime she waddled to the right side to weightbear. I could see her face, grimacing the way my own reflection looked back at myself so many, many times before. She was trying SO very hard…to do what she needed to do…but I could literally see her pain oozing out of every single one of her pores.

I felt for her, but yet I did not know what, if anything, I could do. I know the feeling of wanting to not ask for help, and merely of just not WANTING help. I know the frustration that can grow from having to turn people down, and I equally know the frustration of not having anyone slow down enough to notice or even offer help. Sure, I can make a website, search and share information with others, and I can respond to posts and emails and try my hardest to provide positive support to people from afar…but what about someone right there, right smack in front of me approaching? What could I do? While I am doing GREAT, I honestly am being a tad bit overcautious of myself…and I worried about what I could do to help her without putting myself in jeopardy.

Is that terrible? Is that selfish? I know well and good that I couldn’t help her walk, and I certainly couldn’t figure out how else I might be able to help beyond that. She had no cane, no crutches, no other walking device…she just waddled, and squeaked, and did her best to try not to grimace too much. But what then could I do?

So, I smiled towards her…a gentle, caring smile that let her know there was someone else who cared and understood. At first, she appeared a bit self conscious (as we ALL can relate to) until she very quickly realized my smile was not a smirk, or a start to a chuckle, or anything else for that matter. Through my eyes I conveyed my thoughts to her, and her hard-to-hold-back-grimace started to blossom into a smile also.

It was as if it was all happening in slow motion, watching the tension release from her pursed edges of her lips, the taughtness in her cheeks soften while the corners of her eyes began to lift and lighten up. I used no words, for words far greater than what we could recreate in spoken English were already being said, soul to soul. My right hip began to ache (the same as hers, and the one I’ve had all the surgeries on), but it was a distant ache that was definitely NOT like anything I had EVER experienced before. I closed my eyes, and I knew I was experiencing only a very small percent of the pain that this woman was feeling…for she had shared with me on a level much deeper, or greater, than anything from this earthly world in which we live. Without any thought, I found that I was internally sending healing, positive thoughts toward my hip the way I had so many, many times before…but I realized it was not for the sake of my own hip this time, as these healing, positive thoughts were being transmitted to this other woman. All of this happening in such a short period of time, such a brief encounter, as the smile grew upon her face.

I do not know what was the cause of the woman’s hip issues, but what I do know is that there is not a clear definition of where we start…and where we end, if we allow ourselves to reach out to help others. Certainly earthly boundaries are very good, and very helpful, in maintaining healthy relationships with others, but sometimes if we let ourselves out of those earthly constraints we will realize that there truly is a deeper connection amongst us all.

So, I ask each of you today…where do you start, and where do you end? Do you put up boundaries, protective barriers, around yourself…physically, socially, emotionally? Or do you let others in, allowing you to reach out to them when you are in need and allowing them to reach out to you as well? Have your hip conditions improved to the point that you are back to the “bump and grind” of earthly living, or have you been changed by your hip conditions and now connect with others in more meaningful, deeper ways in a desire to promote positivity throughout the world? Do you empathize with others and reach out to help them, in whatever ways you can, or do you count your “blessings” that you are now improved and look the other way?

For me, I am forever changed…and I am blessed for the conditions of my hip, the insight it has brought me, the internal trust in myself and in powers greater than myself. For me, there is no definition of where I start…or where I end, for I once again find that my spirit is flowing and is no longer chained by earthly limitations and pain.

For each of you, that is my wish…that you will be able to take what you have been through, learn and grow, feel the fluidity of you movements in body and spirit, and make connections that only lead to positivity and healing in this world in which we live.

Trust. Learn. Heal. Grow. Flow.

A Matter of Perspective June 15, 2009

“Some people grumble because roses have thorns; I am thankful that the thorns have roses.”-Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr

New Website June 10, 2009

“OP News”:

http://www.opnews.com/entry.php

Lots there…check it out.