Where We Start…and Where We End

I was out at a quiet public location this weekend and I heard some squeaking noises, growing louder with each sound. I glanced around, and could not determine at first where the noise was coming from. But as I glanced again, slightly slower and looking for something to reflect the pattern of the sounds that I was hearing I suddenly realized what it was.

A woman was walking towards where I was sitting, her gait making her wobble back and forth, left and right, and the squeaking happened everytime she waddled to the right side to weightbear. I could see her face, grimacing the way my own reflection looked back at myself so many, many times before. She was trying SO very hard…to do what she needed to do…but I could literally see her pain oozing out of every single one of her pores.

I felt for her, but yet I did not know what, if anything, I could do. I know the feeling of wanting to not ask for help, and merely of just not WANTING help. I know the frustration that can grow from having to turn people down, and I equally know the frustration of not having anyone slow down enough to notice or even offer help. Sure, I can make a website, search and share information with others, and I can respond to posts and emails and try my hardest to provide positive support to people from afar…but what about someone right there, right smack in front of me approaching? What could I do? While I am doing GREAT, I honestly am being a tad bit overcautious of myself…and I worried about what I could do to help her without putting myself in jeopardy.

Is that terrible? Is that selfish? I know well and good that I couldn’t help her walk, and I certainly couldn’t figure out how else I might be able to help beyond that. She had no cane, no crutches, no other walking device…she just waddled, and squeaked, and did her best to try not to grimace too much. But what then could I do?

So, I smiled towards her…a gentle, caring smile that let her know there was someone else who cared and understood. At first, she appeared a bit self conscious (as we ALL can relate to) until she very quickly realized my smile was not a smirk, or a start to a chuckle, or anything else for that matter. Through my eyes I conveyed my thoughts to her, and her hard-to-hold-back-grimace started to blossom into a smile also.

It was as if it was all happening in slow motion, watching the tension release from her pursed edges of her lips, the taughtness in her cheeks soften while the corners of her eyes began to lift and lighten up. I used no words, for words far greater than what we could recreate in spoken English were already being said, soul to soul. My right hip began to ache (the same as hers, and the one I’ve had all the surgeries on), but it was a distant ache that was definitely NOT like anything I had EVER experienced before. I closed my eyes, and I knew I was experiencing only a very small percent of the pain that this woman was feeling…for she had shared with me on a level much deeper, or greater, than anything from this earthly world in which we live. Without any thought, I found that I was internally sending healing, positive thoughts toward my hip the way I had so many, many times before…but I realized it was not for the sake of my own hip this time, as these healing, positive thoughts were being transmitted to this other woman. All of this happening in such a short period of time, such a brief encounter, as the smile grew upon her face.

I do not know what was the cause of the woman’s hip issues, but what I do know is that there is not a clear definition of where we start…and where we end, if we allow ourselves to reach out to help others. Certainly earthly boundaries are very good, and very helpful, in maintaining healthy relationships with others, but sometimes if we let ourselves out of those earthly constraints we will realize that there truly is a deeper connection amongst us all.

So, I ask each of you today…where do you start, and where do you end? Do you put up boundaries, protective barriers, around yourself…physically, socially, emotionally? Or do you let others in, allowing you to reach out to them when you are in need and allowing them to reach out to you as well? Have your hip conditions improved to the point that you are back to the “bump and grind” of earthly living, or have you been changed by your hip conditions and now connect with others in more meaningful, deeper ways in a desire to promote positivity throughout the world? Do you empathize with others and reach out to help them, in whatever ways you can, or do you count your “blessings” that you are now improved and look the other way?

For me, I am forever changed…and I am blessed for the conditions of my hip, the insight it has brought me, the internal trust in myself and in powers greater than myself. For me, there is no definition of where I start…or where I end, for I once again find that my spirit is flowing and is no longer chained by earthly limitations and pain.

For each of you, that is my wish…that you will be able to take what you have been through, learn and grow, feel the fluidity of you movements in body and spirit, and make connections that only lead to positivity and healing in this world in which we live.

Trust. Learn. Heal. Grow. Flow.